All Around Easter Island. A story of sunburn, road rash and tears.

People always think because I’ll like riding bikes because I’m lanky and live in Portland.  This is always wrong.

It was just me and my friend Chad for a few days. After the days we spent here, it can only be known as Dumb & Dumber take Easter Island.

I think the locals will be relieved to see us go.  Plus, I have injured my butt several times and I think it’s best I leave before more damage is done.

First off, we decided to ride bikes around Easter Island.  The island is only around 30 miles to bike around so it sounded doable.  I really hate bikes, but I had forgotten just how much.  It couldn’t be that bad, could it?

So, we took off to ride around the island on what Chad thought would be a 3-hour ride, similar to Gilligan’s Island’s three hour tour.  That turned out to be a 7 hour ride in which I cried and we both got sunburned.  Why?  Because I’m much slower than even I anticipated. It was ike watching Kermit the Frog ride a bike, the mechanics don’t work.

Plus my bike sucked.

The seat hurt my butt.

I had to peddle even when we were going downhill.

By midday we were sunburned, starving and unprepared for our pasty Portland skin to be in the sun all day.  However, outside the bikes, it was awesome. You can seriously just ride a bike up to the Moai.  The island is relatively quiet and uninhabited. There are rolling hills and wild horses and the sound of the ocean that surrounds you.  It’s an amazing place.

But when we were back on the bikes, my quads burned and every pedal felt like my knees were being pulled apart.  I couldn’t go fast enough, even downhill!  At one point I pulled over and cried secretly.  At another point, we walked our bikes up a never-ending hill, laughing so hard we cried because the entire situation was so ridiculous.


I just really suck at riding bikes. No one should ever suggest I do it again.  I would also like to point out, we saw no one else taking the whole island on bikes.  Maybe they knew something we did not.

Me, when we got back to the hotel. I wanted to kiss the ground like the Pope does when he gets off the plane.

By the end of the day, our butts were both so sore from the cheap rental bikes that we couldn’t sit down without groaning like old men.

The second day, we got a little smarter and decided to rent a scooter and do the whole loop again.  This time it would probably take less than 7 hours.  I’m not sure why, but we are both pretty terrible scooter drivers as well.  We accidentally drove into oncoming traffic, we herded some wild horses and attempted to avoid a very aggressive bull and ended the day with me wrecking the scooter.

I mean, it was only a little wrecked and I only got a little road rash and I didn’t cry, not even in secret.

All that said, this was one of the most fun days I have had in years.  We laughed so hard we cried again, but that doesn’t count as crying really.

Another member of the biker gang

I think a scooter really is the best way to see the island.  You get the open air and the freedom feeling, plus, you look pretty tough in all the photos too.